dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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