I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
