I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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