How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
