I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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