It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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