im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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