the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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