He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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