they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i've created a new STD.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
