The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My cat gives me a boner
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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