and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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