Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
