i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The Olympian is in my bed
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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