at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
