time to smoke my breakfast
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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