My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
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It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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