I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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