bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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