I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
