so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
