I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
