When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
