I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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