____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
