you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
