I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
