Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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