I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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