He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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