Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
