Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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