uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
