I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
