Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
