eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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