I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Fuck me I smell like cheese
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
