Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
