God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
