worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
