when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
