He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
