Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
