You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
