I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
