He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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