Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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