smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I party with great urgency now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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