im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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