so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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