my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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