I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
