Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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