Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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