can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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