i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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