You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
