So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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