He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
