you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
