It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
