i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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